Starting out as a youth pastor I was surprised by the number of parents, who I had never met, who would call me or worse yet drag their teenager to me on a Sunday morning in between services and tell me, my kid is making poor choices, if they come to youth group tonight can you fix them so they don’t make bad decisions anymore? I was also surprised at the number of core parents who would say to me, if you can keep the teenagers from drinking, doing drugs, and having sex you will be a success. After 5 years of hearing the same type of conversations coming from seekers, core parents, and even lead pastors, I realized that most people see student ministry, and maybe even Christianity, as a behavior modification program. I do believe in children and for the most part teenagers we can create a program that influences and modifies their behavior, but there are 2 major problems with this type of ministry and mindset. First, behavior modification without life transformation hardly ever works long term and for the most part leads to criticalness, feelings of oppression, and resentment as teenagers grow older and reach young adulthood. Second, behavior modification was never the primary mission of the church or the example of Jesus. Unfortunately, many student ministries and church leaders have been misguided and distracted from the true reason and purpose of the role of student ministry, and in the end have caused significant long term damage in people’s spiritual growth. In fact you may be reading this as someone whose image of the church was shaped by well meaning people who used the church to try to change your behavior versus clearly showing you the Truth about life transformation through Jesus. As a student pastor, I apologize on behalf of student ministries and church leadership that made you feel your performance of doing the “right” thing was more important than who you are and what you feel. I am really sorry for the pain, confusion, and perhaps identity crisis that this caused.
What if student ministry transitioned from a behavior modification program to a life transformation ministry where students learned who Jesus is, how much He loves them, and how much He cares about them? What if student ministry refocused its mission and purpose to center around teaching about the character of Jesus so that students could fall in love with Jesus first? What if student ministry invested in teaching the Bible to students in a way that exposed students to the heart and passion of Jesus so that they were tapped into the only thing that can produce true behavior change? The challenges of this type of ministry is that it takes time, you (parent, pastor, volunteer) can not control the speed or degree of transformation, and it most likely will have some emotionally and relationally messy steps. The rewards of this type of ministry are students know that the church (and God) are more concerned about showing people Jesus than about their behavior, students are given more opportunities to build a solid foundation for their faith, and students are more likely to be unleashed in being an impact in their schools and community.
As a parent and a student pastor I desperately want my kids and students to do the right thing, to make good decisions, to avoid bad choices, and at times it is tempting to force them down the right path, but then the Holy Spirit brings me to my senses and reminds me that I have never transformed anyone and that I don’t have the power to produce life change, but that my role is to lead people to the One who can. As a student pastor and as a parent I strive to fill my students’ lives with the Truth of the Bible and to point them to Jesus. I am convicted that if I help students (and by the way adults too) grow closer to God and fill their hearts with Jesus then Jesus will do the rest. I believe long term behavior change only happens through life transformation. Parents and student ministry leaders, I know it is risky, I know it is difficult, I know it feels like you are losing control. I also know that you want the best for your student. The best for your student is always Jesus, even if they make a bad decision. Jesus is the only one that can forgive and heal them.
Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”