Full admission, I have a hard time receiving. It is always been difficult for me to feel ok, receiving a compliment, to feel accomplished when getting an award, to believe that people are appreciative of my investment. I am not sure where it began, but I know that I struggle to receive affirmation. This has led to times in my life where I have felt disconnected, under appreciated and not seen.
When we moved to Las Vegas, learning to receive was one of the areas I wanted to grow in. As it is with most things that you give God permission to grow you in, I experienced quick opportunities to grow in this area.
The first three months of our time in Las Vegas involved us jumping into unforeseen opportunities and dealing with crisis and supporting people going through challenging situations, We simply jumped in and did what needed to get done. We were tired, grateful and wandering when things would slow down.
One Saturday afternoon I got called into an unscheduled meeting. My nerves were high as I walked in, thinking that I had done something wrong or I was going to be in trouble. The meeting consisted of some people I respect telling me that they appreciated me and the effort that I had been putting in. They went on to tell me that they wanted to show their appreciation by giving me an amazing gift and they wanted to make sure I felt seen. It was difficult for me to respond. I didn’t know what to do or how to respond. As I took a deep breath, God invited me to trust Him and just receive. To say thank you. To get excited. To feel seen.
Over the coming months when we got to enjoy the benefits of the gift, I had more opportunities to reflect, to enjoy and to believe that it is good, in fact important to learn to receive. As I am learning to receive, I am learning to understand grace from God better, to believe that my contribution matters, and that I can make a difference.
I am learning that how I receive affirmation is a partial reflection in how I see myself and how I believe God sees me. As I grow in my understanding of God and how He sees me, I can continue my journey in receiving affirmation, compliments, gifts well.
How we receive can be an indicator in how we see ourselves. Take time to ask yourself and evaluate how you receive from people around you and then stretch yourself to receive more fully.