Growing up, I remember that my dad would invite me to do a number of things that I didn’t feel comfortable doing and I would have to intentionally take a deep breath and just go do it. It became a learned habit that whenever I faced something uncomfortable or something I didn’t want to do that I would power up inside, put my head down, and just do it. Over time being strong meant powering through and courageous meant not showing weakness. For many years of my life when I was faced with situations that were uncomfortable, unknown or difficult I would power up on the inside and push through. For most of my life being strong was about power, control, and intense effort. I realize that the more I powered up on the inside the more exhausted and insecure I became and the more cold and distant I became on the outside. I felt that only way I could become successful at being stronger was to take and maintain more control. Strength meant power. Courage meant working really hard to not mess up and to not disappoint people. I learned to survive in this tension, but unknowingly part of who I was made to be was shutting down.
This week I was reading once again the book of Joshua where God continues to tell Joshua to be strong and courageous and the Holy Spirit reminded me of the Truth of what God meant by being strong and courageous. For many years I believed God was telling Joshua to power up, get ready to work hard, and to not mess up. I thought that being God was telling Joshua to work hard because God was walking with Joshua. I didn’t realize how off I really was and how my misinterpretation was affecting how I saw myself and God.
I believe that God was telling Joshua to be strong and courageous because He was reminding Joshua that God was there and that Joshua didn’t need to stress out, power up, or be nervous. I believe God repeated be strong and courageous over and over to him, because he wanted Joshua to rest and to not get stressed. I believe God wanted to show me that when God asks me to be strong and courageous, it is a reminder that He is inviting me into something way bigger than I can handle on my own and that if I rest in Him, that He will make a way. God taught me strength and courageousness is not about power, it is about submission. When I am encouraged to be strong and courageous, I am really being challenged to have the strength and courage to submit and rest in God versus relying on myself. Instead of clenching my fists to go into battle, God is asking me to be in a position where my hands are open and ready to respond.
I am still in the process of living a redefined strong and courageous life. Whenever I am faced with a challenge or uncomfortable step, I have to choose strength and courage to be open handed and reliant on God versus holding my fists tight, fighting for control and self protection. Over the last months, I have grown in the understanding of living a strong and courageous life. I have learned to try not to control everything and how things turn out. I have learned to rest instead of powering up. I have learned to trust versus being guarded. I have learned to be at peace versus tense with internal conflict. As we get ready for the next steps in our ministry transition I am again faced with the question will I choose strength and courage that only God can give or will I choose to live out my own self-reliant strength and courage? Today I am choosing to be strong and courageous not founded in my own power and ability but in the Truth that I can trust God in the known and unknown, the easy and the difficult, the logical and the illogical.
Will you be strong and courageous?